Tired

I'm tired. It's really the only way to describe how I am these days. I'm not physically tired, per se. I was laid of at the end of February, and haven't been able to find a job that could support my family yet. I still have 9 weeks of unemployment left, then if I don't have a job by then, I'm pretty much screwed. What I am tired of is this: looking and not finding anything. Or finding something so promising, yet I'm both so broke because I can't afford gas to get there and not wanting to give up interviews I've already had set up for the possibility that I might be good enough for the great opportunity. The opportunity is a masonry apprenticeship in Seattle. I can start the pre-job training on July 17, if my wife even lets me, which sounds like it's not even a possibility. It sucks being both broke and only having one car. Hell, if I had a small commuter car that got great gas mileage I would be able to jump at this possibility. But as I do not have a small commuter car and our one car is the only way that my wife and kids can get anywhere, and she would need use of the car to take them to doctor's appointments, fun trips, etc. I'm screwed. I really want to just get out of the house and hit a few baseballs as hard as I possibly can, just to smash something. I'm just so freaking frustrated right now with everything. My kids drive me crazy and I really don't want to be in the house at all but I don't have a choice. I need to do laundry (which I can only do at my parents house because we can't afford the coins for the laundry here), but I can't because either something always comes up or Bethany doesn't want to be left in the house all day with the babies and makes me feel bad about it. I can't do dishes at any time unless the babies are sleeping because I'm made to feel bad about ignoring the babies. And even when I do try to do the dishes when they're sleeping, I'm made to feel bad by "ignoring" the rest of my family. I know I'm ranting. I know that writing all this down will pretty much do nothing to solve anything. I just want to do something that doesn't involve job hunting or chasing after little toddlers making sure they don't get into stuff they shouldn't. Whatever. It's my life. Fuck it.